Numb

I’m numb right now.

I’m buzzed.

I’m trying to drown myself so I just doze off into the night.

See, this is the irony of my life.

I’m a fucking rockstar at work. I’m getting promoted next week. Everyone knows me. Everyone comes and sees me. People like stopping by my office. I’m not an asshole Sergeant like some can be…I’m good at my job.

But god damnit if you look inside I’m a mess. I literally sat at my desk all day long staring at a blank monitor.

I have a good clerk. She knew I was struggling that day. I’m thankful for it. She can be a difficult soldier but she’s been a savior to me in my struggles.

I’m drinking. I’m numb. I’m going to keep on drinking.

#pain

#love

#hurt

#hatetofeel

#47yearsofpain